I have a confession to make: I am a book hoarder. Do not loan me a book because you might not get it back. It is not that I intend to steal your book, but after I read a good one I get so attached I start to think of it as mine. Until eventually, it becomes mine. Whoops. There are books everywhere in my Capitol Hill home. On shelves, on tables, on nightstands, on the floor (whoops again!), etc. If it's a surface, a book is on it. And we have all types of books-novels, nerdy psychology books, picture books, board books, big fat books with hard spines, and worn-out paperbacks that have lost theirs. Books are everywhere.

So now you know how much I love books. So I am always on the hunt for a great new one. And not just for myself, but my kids too. I find that we end up reading the same books over and over and over again. Sometimes you just need to freshen things up. Enter my article for the week: new Fall books for every age (child's age that is-sorry adults)! My kids are not reading yet so I lean towards the books geared for the younger set. I LOVED "The Day the Crayons Quit' illustrated by Oliver Jeffers so I'm excited to get his new one ('Crayons' is so funny that the first time I read it to my son, I had to pause a few times because I was laughing so hard). "I Want My Hat Back' and 'This Is Not My Hat' (a Caldecott winner-a really big deal in children's books) by Jon Klassen are two other favorites so I will definitely pick up the latest. Which ones do you gravitate towards? Which ones do you think your children will like? Reading books is so important for a child's development (and adults!) so keep your collection fresh and updated. You do not always have to buy the books. Libraries are a great way to refresh the books in your house. So is swapping with friends. However you do it-just do it often. Most importantly enjoy! Read often, get silly, and get lost in a story. 

http://www.todaysparent.com/kids/fall-books/
*Bonus-check out the slideshow after this one-classic books that kids should read*

What stories do you like to read to your children? If they are older, what are some of their favorites? Comment below, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney, or contact me directly. Check back tomorrow for another Back to School blogpost!

Going back to school stirs up all kinds of feelings and emotions for children. For some children, those emotions are quite mild, while others struggle significantly with the change of returning to routine. For many children, these feelings will subside, but others will continue to struggle with their emotions. One emotion that can be overpowering is anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling of dread; overwhelming emotion that something bad is going to happen. This feeling is often especially powerful when returning to school. It is not that school itself is always the major issue, although it can be. It is just that school has requirements and demands, whereas summer is relaxed and there is not as much pressure on kids. So how do you as a parent know when general worry has crossed the line and become a significant problem? The following article can help you figure that out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201208/back-school/back-anxiety

This article talks about the different types of anxiety that we typically see in children and adolescents. One of the things I like about this article is that it points out that some anxiety is normal. In fact, small amounts of anxiety are helpful. In limited doses, anxiety helps motivate us. Without anxiety, we wouldn't feel that small tinge of discomfort that drives us to stretch ourselves and try to accomplish a new task. And school can be stressful. Your child is bound to encounter things that are hard for him or her (and children should-or else they are not learning anything). So some anxiety is normal, but what happens when it builds to unbearable levels and doesn't subside?

Anxiety becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with everyday life. This may manifest as physical, or somatic, symptoms such as headaches or stomachaches. It may also mean school refusal or school avoidance (this may mean some other things as well-check out my blog from this series on bullying). It may also mean that your child or adolescent is unable to complete their homework, concentrate in school, or relax enough to interact with peers and make friends. 

The article talks about the most common anxiety disorders found in children and adolescents. These are Separation Anxiety Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and Selective Mutism. You may have heard of some of these, but not all. I will describe each briefly below. 

The first is Separation Anxiety Disorder. This is when a child has excessive fears about being away from a caregiver. The child may feel that if they are not with their loved one that something terrible will happen to that person. In this case, the anxiety does not have to do with school specifically, but rather being away from a caregiver in general. If a child has Separation Anxiety Disorder, they are distressed when they are away from a parent or caregiver no matter where they are going. It could be something that they would normally enjoy and take a lot of pleasure in, such as going to the zoo, the park, or grandma's house. If the parent or caregiver is not with them, it causes overwhelming distress. 


Another common anxiety disorder in children is Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD). Children with GAD worry about everything. Some children may be able to communicate their worries, but others will be unable to verbalize their fears. These children can sometimes develop physical symptoms that are cannot be medically explained. 


Social Anxiety Disorder is another disorder that occurs in childhood. This is when children fear social situations. As you can imagine, school is full of social interactions and for the child who suffers from Social Anxiety, it can be a very stressful place for them to be. School is not just about what you learn in a textbook. It involves playing with friends at recess, talking about the weekend in the hallway, eating lunch with peers in the cafeteria, and working together on group projects. All of these situations are social and therefore extremely stressful for a child or adolescent with Social Anxiety Disorder.


Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) has two components-obsessions or ruminative, anxiety-provoking thoughts and compulsions-repetitive behaviors that briefly relieve those thoughts. Most people have heard of this disorder, but may not understand it fully. A child with this disorder must carry out his or her compulsions or the obsessive thoughts will become overpowering. As one can imagine, this would be difficult in school. 


Selective Mutism is the last common anxiety disorder and I have seen it surprisingly often in my work in the schools. Identifying this disorder requires communication with teachers (so build that relationship-see my previous Back to School post!) so that they can tell you about what they see-or don't see-in the classroom. Selective Mutism is exactly what it sounds like, when a child refuses to speak in certain environments (often school) but will speak fluently in other places (such as home). 


There you have a brief overview of each disorder. I want to reiterate that for most kids, a little bit of anxiety in the first few weeks is to be expected. If that anxiety persists, take a look back at this post and try to determine if it is interfering with your child's functioning. I know that I suggest it often, but this is definitely an area where you should contact your school psychologist. He or she is the person in the school trained in assessment and diagnosis of these issues in particular. You can and should work with your child's teacher to see if some informal strategies might work, but the school psychologist should also be aware of these concerns. You should also seek out a psychologist or psychiatrist to officially diagnose and help treat your child. It is better be to proactive (there that goes again!) than wait until the end of the year when your child is at risk of not passing for the year and then expecting a psychologist or psychiatrist to move mountains. I have seen this happen many times in schools. It is frustrating for everyone involved-parents, teachers, the child-and much of it could have been avoided with an earlier visit for treatment.


I would love to hear your thoughts about this article and blogpost. Comment below, tweet @fpschDrSweeney or contact me directly. Don't forget to check back tomorrow for more Back to School blog posts! We are more than halfway through the series, but there is still more to come. Enjoy!

In one of my previous posts, I talked about the importance of developing relationships with teachers. This is actually more complicated than it seems. You want let the teacher know that you respect him or her and you want him or her to respect you. You want to be able to communicate the needs of your child and your family without telling the teacher what to do. You want to let the teacher know that you support him or her, but you do not want to smother. It is also important to keep in mind that teachers have to develop relationships with all of the other parents and caregivers in the class, not to mention the kids themselves! So how do you go about forming and maintaining this important relationship?

The following article is short and sweet and has some great tips for developing the relationship. It is from the Department of Education's blog. Did you know the Department of Education has a blog? I believe it actually has a few! It is a fantastic resource. It contains information and commentary on the education in this country. The following is the article that I am referring to in this post, but take some time to explore the site and visit it often (you know, with all that free time that you have). http://www.ed.gov/blog/2014/08/tips-for-developing-a-strong-relationship-with-your-childs-teacher/

But I digress. As previously mentioned, this article has some great tips. I will talk about my favorites here, but with a caveat or two. The first tip encourages parents to keep in touch. Yes, absolutely-contact your child's teacher early and often, but it's important not to smother the teacher. School employees really want to meet the needs of all of the children and often this means communicating with parents. However, it is quite difficult to meet the needs of parents who contact the teacher multiple times a day and expect an answer within 15 minutes. This is not just true during school hours. Many teachers spend many hours before and after school preparing lessons, working with students, attending meetings, leading after school activities, and/or coaching a sports team. They are also entitled to a personal life outside of school. So ask your child's teacher the best time to contact them and the timeframe for expecting a reply. Some teachers are great about responding quickly, but for others it might take a few days. However, if you feel that you are trying to communicate something important with the teacher and he or she is not getting back to you within the agreed upon amount of time, feel free to contact the school administrator.

Reach out and stay informed are my two favorite tips. Communicating with your teacher by offering support is a GREAT way to stay in touch. Teachers often need support in several areas and offering to assist them can be so helpful. This lets the teacher know that you are not just invested in your child, but also the teacher and the entire class. It is also an important thing to model for your child-giving your time and resources to help others. I know that this one looks different for different parents and caregivers. Some people have time to give, some have money, and others feel like they have neither! Determine what you are comfortable with and communicate that with the teacher. Chances are, there is a way to support no matter your time or financial limitations.

Team up is also a great tip, but I want to take it a step further. Yes, you and the teacher are on the same team and you should absolutely form an alliance with him or her. However, there are several other people in the school building who share the same goals-helping children. So also meet and form relationships with school counselors, administrators, social workers, librarians, and of course, the school psychologist. Additionally, try to team up with other parents. One parent supporting a teacher is good, two is better, and a whole class of parents and caregivers can move mountains. 

So enjoy the article and start developing that relationship! I'd love to hear your thoughts about starting this relationship and how it evolves throughout the school year. Don't forget to check back tomorrow for another Back to School post! Comment below, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney, or contact me directly. Happy School Day!

This is my fifth post in my Back to School series and I have to say it has not been easy keeping up. I'm having a lot of fun writing them, but they can be really time-consuming. Today is going to be a really busy day so this one may not be quite as long as the others. Thankfully, this article does not need a lot of commentary. It is all about preschool and provides some top tips for helping get your little one ready for it. It's straightforward and easy to read and the tips are really useful and simple to implement.

Here in DC, we have free universal preschool (I know-we are SO lucky). This basically means that almost every 3-year-old and 4-year-old in the city is going to be meeting their teachers and going to their new classrooms for the first time this week. While the fact that it is free is unique, I know that the transition aspect is not. Little ones all around the country are dressed up as big boys and girls and are walking into a classroom for the first time ever. Even though we as parents are incredibly proud, it is often nerve-wracking to watch your child grow up and move into this new realm in their lives. If your child has a hard time with transitions, this particular one can be downright devastating for parents. The following article has some practical tips to make this go more smoothly for your young one (and for you Mom and Dad!). Even though this article is written specifically for the preschool set, these techniques can be utilized for older children as well. http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201209/back-school/ten-tips-helping-your-child-pre-school-jitters 

Here are some of my favorite tips: 
-Reassure your child that this is a positive, fun, and-most importantly-safe place to be. If you tell your child that they can come home if they need to or they don't have to be at preschool if they don't want to, they will have a harder (and probably much longer) transition period. While it is important for you to validate their feelings of sadness, making it seem as if preschool is optional is actually undermining the teacher, the school, and the transition. Let them know that this is a great place to be, explain why, and let them know when you will be back to pick them up. 
-Establish a goodbye routine at school. This is analogous to the bedtime routine that you have at home. Try to say goodbye in the same way every time. This can include something fun and unique like a secret handshake or a quick song. Eventually your child will understand that once this routine is done, it is time to get started at school. Kids at this age thrive when their world is consistent and predictable (this is true for older kids as well). If you change the way that you say goodbye every time, they will notice the difference and wonder why. There may not be a reason, but your child may think there is. Keeping it consistent will reduce doubts and fears.
-Contact the teacher/school soon after you leave. This one is so important! I am a former nursery school teacher and I wish some of my parents would have done this. I remember one child who cried and cried when his Mom dropped him off. She was significantly inconsistent in her dropping-off behavior. Sometimes she was strong and able to just say goodbye. Other times, she would spend quite a while at the preschool reassuring him and trying to make him feel better. Occasionally, she would come back 15 minutes after dropping him off and peek in the door to see if he was doing OK! I wasn't a parent then, but I am now and can appreciate how difficult this was for her. I don't blame her one bit for struggling with drop-off. But the inconsistency was not helping. This child was ALWAYS fine within three minutes of Mom dropping him off. He was a really amazingly sweet and engaging child who made friends quickly and forgot how upset he was as soon as he picked up a toy. If Mom had called us  instead of popping in, she would have known this and been able to relax. Instead, she fretted for the next 4 hours wondering if her poor sweet baby was OK. Save yourself from having to guess-call the teacher. You are not bothering him or her. They would much rather reassure briefly over the phone or in an email than have you come back and have the child become upset when you leave again. And then allow yourself to relax and realize that your child is in good hands.

There you have it-sorry so short and sweet. I hope that you enjoy this article with its useful tips. Good luck to all of the parents dropping their kids off at preschool-especially if it is the first time. It can be (will be) hard, but before you know it, this will become the new normal and your child will run off to join his or her friends before you have a chance to say goodbye (that might be the hardest part of all!). As always, comment below, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney, or contact me directly. Good luck!

I love the smell of school in the morning don't you? It's the first day of school here in DC and I've already seen so many kids walking by with fresh uniforms and fresh backpacks. They look really eager and really excited. I'm excited too. I love the first day of school-so much excitement, so many possibilities. Kids find out who is in their class, what the expectations are for the year, and how nice their teacher really is. There are so many things to look forward to-after all, some major learning is going to take place over the course of the next 9-10 months.

Dropping your kids off at school is an exciting time, but it also means that you are leaving your precious little one at the hands, or shall we say the mercy, of their teachers and all the other kids. For the most part, those other kids will be great. Kind, smart, helpful. However, testing limits is a part of development and some kids are going to test limits in ways that can be harmful to other kids. I'm talking about bullying. There are lots of reasons why kids bully and lots of reasons why kids are bullied. An important step for parents is to be proactive (are you noticing a theme here? Proactivity is the name of the game). The following article is another great one. It really spells out what bullying is, what signs to look for if you are worried that your child is being bullied, and steps you as parents can take to reduce the bullying itself and its effects on your child. http://kidshealth.org/parent/emotions/behavior/bullies.html#

So what is bullying anyway? That is a more complicated question than one would think. We've all seen the way bullies are portrayed in the movies and on TV. Some big kid, usually a boy, goes up to a much smaller kid and asks for his lunch money threatening him with a "knuckle sandwich" if he doesn't get it. Is this bullying? Sure, but it doesn't always look like that. First let me tell you what it's not. Bullying is not teasing and joking between friends. Friends often tease each other and say things that some may find hurtful, but that is different from bullying. In order for bullying to occur, there has to be some kind of difference in status. This can be age, popularity, money, physical size, sexual experience (yes-in high and middle school-this can be a really significant one). All of these things may cause a differential in the way that kids are perceived by their peers and adults in the school. Messing around with someone who is of a different status than you, well that is when light-hearted teasing shifts into bullying. It is also important to point out that bullying can look very different at different ages and for the different genders. "Knuckle sandwiches" are probably more common when kids are young and definitely more common for boys. For older kids and girls, the bullying is probably more relational (google relational aggression for more information-there has been a lot of research on the topic and it is fascinating-another blog post at another time). Girls are more likely to make other girls feel bad about your appearance, spread sexual rumors, or turn friends against each other. Then there is cyberbullying. There has been a lot of attention on cyberbullying recently and for good reason. It's a horrendous new form of bullying that I am so thankful that I did not have to deal with when I was in high school. It's bad enough to have people say terrible things to you and spread rumors about you at school, but when it's online you can't escape it. And with the amount of time that children and adolescents spend on social media, the amount of exposure that they are getting to the bullying can be astronomical. I could talk all day about cyberbullying-and I will on another post-but we need to move on. So there you have it: a bullying definition in a nutshell. 

Now that we've defined bullying, let's talk about how you can detect bullying. It would be great if all kids told their parents everything, but sometimes even the most open parents have kids who are tight-lipped about certain issues. Bullying is often one of them. Kids are frequently too afraid or too embarrassed to tell anyone about the bullying. So how can you decipher what's going on if they won't tell you? There are a number of signs and they are outlined in the article. I will highlight a few here. Look out for major changes: mood, grades, appetite, friends. If your child seems different-really different from a few months, weeks or days ago-take notice. There may be a specific reason for those changes. Also look for your child adamantly avoiding certain people, places, or situations. Do they not want you to drop them off at a certain place, do they want to get to school really early or really late for a reason that they can't articulate? There are lots of possibilities so be on the look out. Keep all of these things in perspective as well. Some of you may be thinking that your teenager is moody so maybe there is a bullying issue. Well, there might be, but let's be real-teenagers are almost ALWAYS moody. What I'm talking about is a change-a significant change from the way your child was previously functioning. That's really what you want to look out for. Keep in mind that many of these signs are also indicative of depression or other significant emotional issues. The most important thing is to take it seriously. Parents know their kids-they can often tell if something is wrong. If your gut is telling you there is a problem-pay attention. 

Now you know how to identify if there is a problem. So now what? How do you help your child? There are ways to deal with the current bullying issue and also ways to take preventative measures that will build your child's resilience to any future attacks. The most immediate thing for a parent to do is let your child know that you hear them and are on their side. Validate any feelings they may have-anger, frustration, sadness. They really need to feel supported because bullying is often isolated. People are not usually bullied in groups. The bullies usually pick a single person, maybe a pair of kids. One or two children is easier to control than a big group. So this may be an experience where your child feels very alone. Support, support, support. Then let a trusted adult at the school know. Do not assume that you know the best person. Ask your child who they might feel comfortable telling, but do not make telling a school official a choice. You will be telling someone, just let them help decide who. If your child is not comfortable with their teacher, administrator, or counselor, the school psychologist is a great person to confide in. Just make sure you tell someone. Also, know your rights and the rights of your child. As the article outlines, many states have anti-bullying laws and almost all schools have anti-bullying rules in their Code of Conduct (or whatever it is called at your child's school). Be aware of these laws and rules and use them to your advantage.

Finally, how can you help your child avoid being the victim of bullying in the future? Let me be clear that I am NOT blaming the victim here. It is NEVER OK to bully someone. The people who must be held accountable are the bullies themselves. It would be ideal if there was no bullying behavior at all. But until it is eradicated, your child must learn how to deal with these individuals. You won't always be there to hold their hand and solve the problem for them or even with them. Hopefully, your child can utilize some of these tips and avoid becoming a bully victim in the first place. It is very important for kids to not let the bully know that he or she is bothering them. Bullies feed on the reactions of others-especially the victim. If the victim acts like all of this is no big deal and brushes off whatever the bully says then that bully will find another kid to get a rise out of. Have your child avoid the bully as much as possible, but when that is impossible, tell them to hold onto their feelings. They should NOT allow that bully get the best of them. Hold the anger until it can be let out in a safe, nonjudgmental place. It is absolutely essential that you allow your child to release some of that anger and embarrassment. Find out from your child's counselor or school psychologist if there are any groups going on that your child can join. There are also frequently groups in the community-see what yours has to offer. At the very least, allow your child to talk and process through the issue. Listen with a supportive ear and get additional support as needed.  

So that's it for today! As always, comment below, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney, or contact me directly. I hope that this school year is the best yet!

It's Sunday everyone. Sunday. I'm pretty sure I should be sleeping in, or at least, relaxing right now, but I made a commitment to knock out a blog post every day and I'm going to stick to it! I warn you that this one may not be as in-depth as my previous and subsequent ones. Nonetheless, I'll try to make it informative and helpful. So here I go...

School starts tomorrow in DC and for the schools that start after Labor Day, this is the first work day for a lot of teachers, counselors, and of course-my fellow school psychologists. This means that many people-parents especially-are rushing around, trying to get 65 things accomplished on their lunch break. I'm not trying to add more to that already-full plate. In fact, I'm trying to alleviate some of that stress (as you read in my previous post-stress is bad and not just for kids). This is a great list: http://www.nasponline.org/resources/home_school/b2shandout.aspx. It highlights some of the stuff that you should keep in mind as the school year approaches.  You don't have to do everything on this list before the first day of school, but it does have some good information to keep in mind. There are a few that I especially like and want to highlight.

-Re-establish bedtime/mealtime routines: This is especially true for older school-aged children and teenagers. Little ones tend to keep the same schedule (much to the chagrin of parents whose 4-year-old routinely awakes at 5am), but older children realize that it's summer and have gotten into the habit of going to bed late and sleeping late. Move that bedtime back as soon as possible-not 2 hours in one night, but bit by bit. Maybe 15 minutes per night until you get to the desired time. Sleep is so important (another blog post at another time) and kids need a LOT of it. Make sure they are going to bed early enough that they are getting at least 10 hours for school-aged children and at least 8 hours for teens.
-Designate a place in your house to do homework: Homework starts EARLY in school. Teachers have a lot to get in over the course of a school year and homework may come home before you think. Have a place to put it and clear a spot for your child to work. Some children work better without any distractions, so working by themselves in a quiet spot may be best. For other kids, they need a little bit of background noise-nothing too loud, but for some kids complete quiet might just drive them crazy. Clearing a spot in a busier part of the house or allowing your child to listen to some music while working may be helpful. Just make sure that there is a designated spot so your (very smart) child won't be able to use the excuse that they did not have a place to work which is why they didn't get there homework done (I have heard this excuse used many times in the schools-it's legit).
-Regular and proactive contact with school: This, of course, includes your child's teacher, but make sure that you have relationships with others in the school as well. In addition to teachers there are administrators, counselors, school psychologists, social workers, librarians, the list goes on and on. Get to know these people, form relationships, and ask them what they have to offer to you and your child. Also, if you have concerns about your child please share this with pertinent individuals in the school. Your child's teacher is an obvious choice, but if you are unsure who to talk to next, the school psychologist is a great next option. However you decide to share and whoever you decide to share with, just make sure that you do share-early and often.
-Reinforce your child's ability to cope: As mentioned in the previous blog post, provide strategies to your child if he or she is struggling. Provide several, give them time, and keep changing them if they are not working. If you are having trouble coming up with strategies, a good person to contact is a psychologist. This can be your child's school psychologist or an outside provider, but having a psychologist who is trained in behavioral assessment and treatment (we all are) can be invaluable. If you've tried every strategy in the book and feel like you are spinning in circles and going nowhere, I would also suggest reaching out to a psychologist or your child's physician. There may be a more serious issue going on that a doctor can help diagnose and suggest intervention options.
-Keep extracurriculars at the back of your mind-not the front: Children and teenagers change at a rapid pace over the course of a school year. Their friends change, their interests change, and their extracurriculars change. If your child has not already committed to an extracurricular, don't rush it. There are so many options in and out of school. Allow your child to really discover what they want to do. Having some extracurricular is important-especially for kids who struggle in school. It is important for them to have time in the day to explore something they love and feel that they are good at. So don't push right away, but encourage your child to find something that interests them and pursue it. You never know-that thing could end up being their passion!

So that's it for today. Sorry it's so short, but hey, it's Sunday. I know the beginning of the year is stressful, but take some time to enjoy this day. Do something fun, get outside, go swimming-enjoy the end of summer. Make sure that your children get in bed EARLY. Then kick back, put your feet up, and congratulate yourself on getting (almost) everything done. Prepare yourself mentally for the school year. Have fun watching your children learn and don't expect perfection-from them or yourself.

This handout is from the National Association of School Psychologists (NASP). As a school psychologist, I may be a bit biased, but NASP is an AMAZING resource. Utilize the website often: www.nasponline.org. There is a ton of information written in very family-friendly language. If you have any trouble navigating the site, contact me and I can help walk you through it. And as always, let me know what you think of the handout/article and this blog. Comment below, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney or contact me directly. Have a great first day of school DC!!!!!

It's Saturday. The last Saturday before school starts here in DC. I'm up early, but I kind of enjoy that-getting up and being productive before the day really starts. And since school is about to start in our nation's capitol, being productive is the name of the game. My first blog post focused on the importance of keeping stress at a reasonable level so kids can be productive. This post is also going to be related to productivity, but in a different way. As summer comes to a close and kids are now required to sit in a classroom for several hours a day and actually learn something, another issue often arises: distractibility. Kids are often incredibly distracted and distractable as they return to school. After all, they've spent the last few months exploring and relaxing and doing whatever their little hearts desire (within reason of course). But now the expectations have changed and they need to sit still, look at the teacher, open their books, turn to page 27, read out loud-it's exhausting. After a few days or weeks, most kids are able to readjust to this new schedule, while other kids struggle well into the school year.  So what can be done about this? The following article can help.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201208/back-school/helping-children-and-teens-distractibility

The number one take-home message of this article is that making a child feel badly about their distractibility will not help. Yelling is an obvious way to make a child feel badly, but there are other tactics that should be avoided as well. Comparing them to other siblings or friends, shaming them, and spanking are all ineffective ways of changing a child's distractable behavior. For most persistent cases of distractibility, the child is not choosing the behavior. They are struggling with it just as much as the parent is-in fact, probably much more. Chances are, the child is aware of the issue and already feels bad about it while he or she is at school. It will not help to make your child also feel bad about the issue when at home. This can lead to your child feeling like he or she cannot escape this issue; that this is a part of who they are and always will be. He or she may begin to internalize and feel hopeless or helpless about the situation. This can lead to some depressive symptoms and if your child is already struggling with depression-which the article mentions is a possibility-it may exacerbate the issue.

This issue, like so many educational, emotional, and behavioral issues with children, needs to be dealt with in a supportive way. The article does a great job of outlining some very concrete and simple things that parents can do to support their child through this frustrating time. Of course, what will work depends on the individual child, teacher, parent, and family. It's worth it to take some time to think about the source of your child's distractibility. If you are struggling to figure it out, consulting a psychologist may help as we are specially trained in the assessment and treatment of behavioral issues. Once you figure out what might be going on, try a strategy or two. Try several strategies. Heck-try all of them! You never know what might work. It's important to be patient-both with yourself and your child. This is not an easy process and though initially time-consuming it can actually help with time issues in the future. Recognize that you are going to feel frustrated throughout the process and that's ok. If you feel overwhelmed and need support-again, it may be a good idea to seek help from a psychologist.

Here are some of my favorite interventions from the article:
-Open and proactive communication with teachers. This one is HUGE!!!  Having worked in schools, I saw how infrequently this was done and when it was done-it was often done incorrectly. Keeping open communication with teachers does not mean telling them what to do. It means informing them about the situation, asking them for their input, and sharing yours. Let them know what you see at home, ask about what they see in the classroom, and then collaborate to see what you can do together. Teachers are professionals and may see some things at school that are vastly different from what you see at home. They will also be able to tell you how the behaviors are impacting your child's ability to learn. In short-working with the teacher is key. It should also be said that you can and should engage administrators, counselors, the school psychologist, and other school professionals as necessary.
-Limit media distractions at home. This one is SO HARD! How else are you supposed to cook dinner, clean up, and tend to your other children without at least one child occupied by technology?!?! While I don't think that technology has to be banned in one's house, but it should certainly be limited. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that screen time be absent before age two and limited to one to two hours  for older children. This does not just include TV, but also computers, tablets, and video games. Too much screen time makes it difficult for some children to pay attention in other arenas. It can also significantly limit creativity. Engage your child in a discussion about screen time. Ask what other activities he or she would like to engage in and see how you can recreate some of that at home. You may be surprised to learn what your child is interested in (they might even be surprised themselves!). You never know-your child may become so engaged in their other activity that they don't want to participate in screen time. Or that screen time may help them develop their other activity even more. The take-home message for screen time is limit and redirect.
-Use checklists. This is especially helpful for older children. This is something that they can participate in and eventually take over doing. It is a useful skill that can help children as they become more autonomous in high school, college, and adulthood. Start by making a list with your child and having them add a few items. Don't make the list too long or it will become overwhelming. Make it fun, make it colorful, put it in a prominent place, link it to incentives-whatever will help your child complete the list and feel great about doing so. Eventually as making lists becomes routine, you can add additional components-such as dates or time limits. Ultimately, you want your child to start making, or at least initiating, the list. This is an intervention that can take some time, but has a big potential pay-off in the future.
Those are my favorites, but use what works well for you and your family.

This article is a little bit more reader-friendly than my previous article from the Back to School series (Academic Stress). There's less jargon and unnecessary technical explanations of statistics. However, the two articles definitely complement each other. I would encourage you to check out both of them. As always, leave your thoughts in the comments, tweet me: @fpschDrSweeney, or contact me directly. And stay tuned for more Back to School tips and information as we gear up to start school on Monday!

It's Back to School time!!!  This is one of my favorite times of the year. After a few months off to rest and rejuvenate, it's time to jump back in. Although having those few precious unstructured months can be a positive thing, I find that most parents are really ready for the school year and the structure imposed by someone else that comes with it.  Of course, with the positive aspects of a new school year also come some challenges.  While some students thrive in the academic environment, there are a large number of students who struggle significantly. On one end of the spectrum, this may be a child who requires specialized documentation, such as an IEP or 504 (those will be explained in another post at another time). On the other side is the child that sits quietly in the classroom, struggling to keep up and feeling badly about themselves.  For these, and many other students, school can be incredibly stressful.  So, this post marks the first of several Back to School blogposts to help parents recognize some of the issues that may arise over the school year and what they can do about it. Stay tuned for more-I'm hoping to churn out one a day for a week or two.  I hope that you enjoy the series! 

This first Back to School post is going to focus on academic stress.  The following article does a really good job of explaining how stress impacts a student's ability to learn. The child then falls behind in their classes, which leads to more stress. It's a vicious, and unfortunately all-too-common, cycle. The main point in this article talks about the issue of increased stress leading to reduced working memory capacity.  Working memory, as outlined in the article, is the basis for any kind of learning. No one completely understands how memory works, but the assumption is that information enters the brain and moves into the working memory where it is rehearsed, practiced, recycled (no one really knows what exactly goes on in there, but these are the assumptions) before it is able to move into long-term memory for storage. In addition to long-term memory, working memory is involved with problem solving and reasoning. In a nutshell-it is quite difficult learn without it. And stress gets in its way.

This appears to be especially true if your child utilizes their working memory more. Having a high working memory is a good thing-it increases your capacity for learning. But those who rely heavily on their working memory, are impacted even more when they are faced with stressful situations. In other words, smart kids who greatly utilize their working memory will have more trouble performing up to their ability when they are faced with too much stress.  

So what can be done about this? Reduce your child's stress level. Of course! Duh! Why didn't I think of that?!?! Any parent knows that this is much easier said than done. After all, we can't change the state regulations for academic performance. We can't change the amount of work that your child is required to do in school. But we can change a few things. Focus on the things that you actually have control over. The article makes one helpful suggestion. The expressive writing exercise that was done in the classroom can certainly be replicated at home. And it doesn't have to be a writing assignment-it can also be a discussion at the dinner table or on a Saturday afternoon. Helping your child identify how they feel about stress is the first step to helping them reduce it. Mindfulness training, yoga, deep breathing-there are lots of other ways to help children alleviate and combat stress. Take some time to learn what might be helpful for your child-regardless of their current stress level. In the future, when they do encounter stressful situations, they will have the tools to deal with it before it becomes a problem.

While this article does a great job of explaining how stress affects one's ability to learn, it does also have a lot of jargon and technical writing.  Feel free to ignore that stuff. The take-home message involves stress and its negative impact on allowing kids to learn. While some stress is a positive thing, too often we heap extraordinary amounts of stress on kids and then expect them to be able to perform. Not only perform, but achieve at an extremely high level-a level that may or may not be more than they are capable of. It is important-very important-to have high expectations of students. Having low expectations of students is highly correlated with low academic performance. But these expectations should be reasonable and not cause an exorbitant amount of stress for the student. Because ultimately, few things will make it harder to learn than stress levels that are too high. 

http://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2011/09/academic-stress.aspx

So enjoy the article and feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, tweet me @fpschDrSweeney or contact me directly. I look forward to hearing from you. Remember to check back tomorrow for more blogs about Back to School. I hope you enjoy the series!

Say it ain't so, but school is just around the corner.  That's right-it's mid-August.  The time when people are coming back from their vacations, going back-to-school shopping, and finding out who their teacher is going to be.  As we head back to the classroom, parents are aware of many of the things that they need to keep in mind.  You need to get school supplies-that matters.  You need to make sure your child is waking up in time for school-that matters.  Since child grow like crazy you will probably need some new clothes-if you are the parent of a teen or tween that definitely matters.  So what else?  What else do parents need to keep in mind as they prepare their child for school?  Toughness, grit-they matter.  Paul Tough's book "How Children Succeed" talks about it.  A brilliant professor from my alma mater UPenn-Angela Duckworth-researches it.  It's an important thing to keep in mind as school starts.  This article doesn't mention grit or toughness, but that is essentially what it's referring to.  The article really outlines the importance of why we need to be very cognizant of not just what we say to our kids, but how we say it.  I have seen this far too often in my work in the schools.  Whether it is a teacher, administrator or a parent, I have seen girls frequently being praised for a trait or attribute as if it is static.  People are much tougher on boys.  This is not always a good thing, but if it's done correctly, in the classroom it is.  

Girls are not nearly as fragile as we so frequently treat them.  They do not need to be rescued all of the time.  Even though it can be difficult for parents to watch, it's important to let our girls fail every once in awhile.  And then encourage them to pick themselves up, dust themselves off, and try again.  It seems that we often teach this important skill to boys, but not to girls.  This is so important in school.  School is not meant to be easy.  The whole idea  is that the child is stretching.  That is how you learn.  Putting in effort to try to understand a new concept or remember a new formula-that is how information is solidified in one's mind-how it moves from someone's short-term memory into their long-term memory.  

The way  in which this is taught is also important.  Don't expect that you can give a girl (or a boy) an incredibly difficult task and ask them to solve it within 10 minutes without any help.  All kids need to be able to learn within what Lev Vygotsky the founder of cultural-historical psychology, called "the zone of proximal development".  Kids need to be able to stretch themselves when they are learning, but not so much that the solution feels unattainable.  Providing support when children think something is too hard is what Vygotsky called 'scaffolding'.  It's not rescuing a child by giving them the answer; it's giving them clues so they can find the answer themselves.

So teach your kids to stretch-all kids.  They can handle it.  They are tougher than you think.  They are tougher than they think.  And if you have a girl, do the same thing for her.  Although it's tough to watch your sweet girl fall, the strength she will feel after getting back up and succeeding is incredibly empowering.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-science-success/201101/the-trouble-bright-girls

Enjoy and tell me what you think!  Leave your thoughts in the comments, tweet me: @fpschDrSweeney or email me: ssweeney@fpsch.com

This article is EVERYWHERE!  I've seen it on my Facebook feed, on twitter, and several friends and colleagues have forwarded it to me.  It's message is simple, yet essential: You want your kids to be nice and here is how.  The article really gives you a step-by-step guide on how to teach your kids to care for others.  This is not something that necessarily comes easily or naturally to all kids or parents.  We are often so focused on our own happiness and achievement to worry about that of others.  But caring for others is essential.  It can lead to empathy and understanding of others, which in our global, multicultural world is absolutely vital.  

This article lets us know that caring for others is a skill; it needs to be practiced.  We cannot expect that this is something that our children will just develop on their own without some help.  I believe that developing this skill can help protect against numerous disorders.  This skills may not prevent something like Conduct Disorder or Oppositional Defiant Disorder, but it may keep some of the symptoms from developing.  If you are taught to care about others, it is less likely that you will continually break the law or violate the rights of others-a hallmark symptom of Conduct Disorder.  

Of course, teaching this to our children isn't easy-or everyone would already be doing it.  If you find yourself needing help or support, a psychologist is a great person to turn to.  We may not be able to teach these skills for you, but we can help design a method that works for your family or help you come up with something new when you feel like you've tried everything.  

So enjoy this article and know that every small kind act, whether you are overtly teaching it or modeling, will help your child learn kindness.  Let me know what you think in the comments.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/parenting/wp/2014/07/18/are-you-raising-nice-kids-a-harvard-psychologist-gives-5-ways-to-raise-them-to-be-kind/